By: Irfan Yusuf
Thursday 22 November 2007
Muhammedans are by nature triumphalists. Yusuf Irfan, a resident lawyer who predicts Australia will fall to the ummah Islamiyah within 30 years, is already predicting the coming defeat and the inevitable takeover, which means sharia and dhimmitude for the surviving Aussies, (after much slaughter in the land) beheadings in public on Friday afternoons, clit-removals,Â hijabs and burkas for females, stoning for adultery, public flogging and hand and foot-chopping for thieves. Did I miss anything? Let us know, Yusuf, tell us what’s in store for us, won’t you? You know what awaits us better than anybody, don’t you?
* Yusuf dreaming:
If those nasty Left-wing, union-dominated, politically correct, Socialist-Communist-Marxist-Leninist-Maoist-Castroist cadres at the Newspoll politburo are correct, Kevin 07 will narrowly defeat John & Janette 96-07. Which raises the question: what will happen to those on the conservative side of politics?
Sheik Rupert bin Murdoch might think there’s more money in being a bleeding-heart liberal, which could lead to a shake-up in the allegedly conservative commentariat.
Here are my (Yusuf’s) predictions:
Piers Akerman will simultaneously explode and implode in a fit of pompous rage.
Frank Devine (and daughter Miranda) will return to New Zealand where at least Helen Clark’s comrades know how to spell the name of their Party correctly.
David Marr will replace Tom Switzer as opinion editor and editorial writer at The Australian. John Hyde-Page and I will then be appointed token conservative columnists.
Caroline Overington will convert to Judaism, only to be rebuffed by the new Federal Member for Wentworth.
Janet Albrechtsen will suddenly realise Howard’s defeat was caused by his lack of genuine conservatism. She’ll convert to conservative Islam, change her name to Benazir Megawati, don a burqa and apply to become the second wife of Sheik Tajeddine Hilaly, but turned away (Sheik Hilaly is opposed to both polygamy and burqas in Australia).
* At Hilali’s age its understandable that he is not very polygamous, more because of the natural limitations. But don’t paint a pussy on my cheek about the burka, Yusuf. You and I know that’s non-negotiable, is it not?
Andrew Bolt will become The Herald-Sun’s in-house reviewer of Turkish novels.
Margo Kingston will become editor-in-chief of the Daily Telegraph, with Tim Blair appointed moderator of the Tele’s new Webdiary blog.
Paul Kelly will try to convince readers he has always been a fan of the ALP.
NewMatilda.com will become the official organ of the Sydney Institute.
Greg Sheridan will become foreign affairs writer for the Myanmar Times.
Paul Sheehan will leave journalism altogether and start a business selling magic water.
Alan Jones will coach the Wallabies while working part-time for ACMA.
* Yes Yusuf. And pigs will fly…
* More on Yusuf: “Careful, I know where you live..”
* and here “Sockpuppet Alert”