15 Roasted in Taliban Work Accident

Premature Detonation Alert: “15 insurgents killed by their own bombs in Afghan mosque,” from Deutsche Presse-Agentur, June 27 (thanks to JW):

Kabul – Eight Arab, five Pakistani and two Afghan militants were killed when bombs they were making exploded prematurely inside a mosque in eastern Afghanistan, the Interior Ministry said Sunday.The insurgents were assembling bombs in Desi Mosque of Yousifkhela district in the south-eastern province of Paktika on Friday, the ministry said….

And yet, I have never heard any of our politicians say hey: what are these mosques, what are they doing there? Shouldn’t we put them under surveillance and see what’s going on?

The Case for Calling Them Nitwits

They blow each other up by mistake. They bungle even simple schemes. They get intimate with cows and donkeys. Our terrorist enemies trade on the perception that they’re well trained and religiously devout, but in fact, many are fools and perverts who are far less organized and sophisticated than we imagine. Can being more realistic about who our foes actually are help us stop the truly dangerous ones?


In other news:

BREAKING NEWS: Afghanistan Christians Detained, Face Public Execution / WTF are we fighting for? Sacrificing men, money and materiel to establish “Democracy Under Sharia?”

Qazi Nazir Ahmad, a lawmaker from Herat, said killing a converted Muslim was “not a crime” because converting from Islam to another religion is punishable by death under Afghan law.

Rumors of strikes:

Al Qaeda suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% this April from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers’ union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, “Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don’t ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth”.

Mr. Amir accepted the limited availability of virgins but pointed out that the cutbacks were expected to be borne entirely by the workforce and not by management. “Last Christmas Abu Hamza alone was awarded an annual bonus of 250,000 virgins,” complains Amir. “And you can be sure they’ll all be pretty ones too. How can Al Qaeda afford that for members of the management but not 72 for the people who do the real work?”

Speaking from the shed in the West Midlands in which he currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, “We sympathize with our workers’ concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad, in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It’s a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don’t like cutting wages but I’d hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won’t be able to blow themselves up.”

Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not affect their operations as “There are no virgins in their areas anyway”.

Another reason for the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put down to the emergence of that Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle; now that the Al Qaeda members know what a virgin looks like, they are not so keen on going to paradise.

Source: Gates of Vienna

4 thoughts on “Virgins!”

  1. Where are they getting their munitions from? Yeah, I know, stupid question. In Afghanistan it has to be from Iran and Pakistan.

    I wonder if the US could supply them with faulty munitions or mobile phones triggered to signal an explosion as soon as an alarm is enabled? No wires, no problem. The alarm works as expected but, if there are wires, the bomb would go off as soon as the alarm is set. Of course, that would mean controlling the supply of mobiles to Afghanistan.

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