United Against Nothing

Tim Blair gives us a taste of what reporting will be like under Islam:

NOTHING STRIKES AGAIN

Various French media outlets last week announced they will stop publishing the names and images of Islamic terrorists.

PARIS, May 15, 2018 – Seven people were killed yesterday and dozens injured when nothing happened at Paris’s Gare du Nord railway station.

French officials said nobody detonated anything in particular near the station’s crowded entrance on the Rue de Dunkerque. Witnesses said loud cries of “Nothing! Nothing at all!” were heard seconds before the simultaneous non-occurrences.

It is the third time in as many weeks that nothing has happened in Paris, which is now under full military curfew as police struggle to contain the city’s insurgent unidentified community.

“The French people are united in their war against an unknowable and featureless void,” declared French President Francois Hollande, who vowed to “track down and bring to justice all of those who were not involved in anything.”

Various French media outlets last week announced they will stop publishing the names and images of Islamic terrorists.

“The decisions come after the truck attack on a Nice fireworks display and the killing of a French priest in a church in Normandy, events in a spate of attacks France has seen since last year,” Associated Press reported.

“On Wednesday, leading newspaper Le Monde pledged to stop publishing photographs of attackers … BFM-TV said it will no longer broadcast images of attackers’ faces.”

The excuse for this is that they don’t want to turn terrorists into heroes. More likely, however, is that these outlets simply don’t want to face the reality of Islamic terror. Presumably this self-imposed censorship will only become worse. Let’s imagine a typical future report out of France:

PARIS, May 15, 2018 – Seven people were killed yesterday and dozens injured when nothing happened at Paris’s Gare du Nord railway station.

French officials said nobody detonated anything in particular near the station’s crowded entrance on the Rue de Dunkerque. Witnesses said loud cries of “Nothing! Nothing at all!” were heard seconds before the simultaneous non-occurrences.

It is the third time in as many weeks that nothing has happened in Paris, which is now under full military curfew as police struggle to contain the city’s insurgent unidentified community.

“The French people are united in their war against an unknowable and featureless void,” declared French President Francois Hollande, who vowed to “track down and bring to justice all of those who were not involved in anything.”

To indicate international solidarity with the besieged French capital, landmarks worldwide last night displayed brightly-lit blank white spaces. A passionate Twitter campaign, #itdidnthappen, was launched in the immediate wake of whatever took place.

“The world stands as one with [insert nation here],” Australian Prime Minister Julie Bishop said in her now-standard statement issued following all episodes of inactivity. “Australians send our deepest condolences to [insert foreign leader here] and his/her nation after this grievous act of [redacted].”

In a completely unrelated development, German chancellor Angela Merkel today sent a message of optimism and hope to Berlin’s three surviving families. “Food will arrive soon,” Merkel promised in a video authorised by her captors.